10:15pm

New meal plan

Breakfast:

Nothing (0)

or

eggs (45-70)

Lunch:

Salad (less than 100)

Dinner:

Half bean burger (105)

or

eggs (45-70)

or

fruit (80) and salad (less than 100)

So even if eat eat the largest calorie option per meal, I'll still be under 500. And that leaves room for maybe an extra piece of fruit or cottage cheese if I get dizzy.

Also:

1 hr resistance exercise

and/or

at least 1.5 miles on the treadmill

Yesterday I ate 620 calories (too high, but still under 700 which is great) and ran 1.5 miles on the treadmill. I felt so good. Can't wait to do it again x]

Reading Wintergirls thanks to the link on J's blog named Eat No Evil (she's got two others). Love it

10:53am

City trip went alright. I had lots of shaked iced green (starbuckssss), and was forced to eat lunch, dinner and dessert (I didn't finish dinner and had only a few bites of ice cream). Fortunately, I spent the majority of the day walking, burning off the excess I ate.

I got a new purse on Canal Street, like I do every time I visit New York. It's a quite touristy thing to do, yet I still love it.

My brother, since vacation, has been calling me Paris, because he thinks I'm prissy. So when I came home with a necklace with a little Starbucks cup on it, and ring with a butterfly on it about three inches across, he started calling me that again with a vengeance. So apparently I'm Paris now.

I'm saving up for a Macbook. My current laptop is 2 yrs old and if used moderately should probably last a few more years but unfortunately I have downloaded just about every harmful program, filled the hard drive, and just all around overused the system. And since I'm transferring out to a four year school next fall, I'll need a computer that'll make it through.

All that to say, I've put 43$ away. Out of around 1100. Yeah. Go me.

10:08pm

I did some things today that I haven't done in a long time.

I ate over my calorie limit. As apposed to my usual 500-700, I ate a whopping 1300. Now, although this is around my BMR, I felt like a fucking pig. My body didn't even know what to do with so much food. Neither did I.

And I threw up. I have not purged in such a long time but today I did. I have no idea why.

And worse, I was caught. Pretty sure I'm going to be put in therapy now, and probably medicated. That's why I stopped throwing up. Besides it being the ultimate display of lack of control, it is too easy to be found out when I'm doing that.

So back to restricting, and restricting hard. I'm going to the City tomorrow, and hoping to have only coffee the whole day. (I gave up on the religious fast, by the way, as I realized my heart wasn't in it and it should be.)

Starve on, my lovelies.

2:57pm

I'm being balsy and posting my measurements...I wasn't gonna do this but why the hell not.

Height: 5'2"

Weight: 109

BMI: 19.9

Waist: 24.5

Hips: 32

Butt: 35

Thigh (R+L): 18, 18

Upper Arm (R+L): 9.25, 9.5

Wrists: 6

Forearms: 8.5

There ya go.

10:34am

Did good yesterday. No caffeine. AGHH. The headache is gone, so I'm good now. Staying under 500 today. Wish me luck.

3:20pm

I'm getting my acrylics taken off....they're bugging me so much and I just can't justify spending 70$ a month on them anymore. Plus I miss painting my nails...

I went camping...and they brought the most vile food you can imagine. I lived on eggs and lifesavers. AND DIDNT GAIN WEIGHT.

Have a massive headache 'cause I started cutting caffeine. I didn't know I was addicted but I guess I was. Next week I'll be cutting out all white flour and extra sugar. Wish me luck.

and so we go.

7:08pm

I'm embarking on a religious fast for the next 6 weeks. Anyone is welcome to join me if you wish, for religious or other reasons.

Week 1: This one is rather simple, with just elimination of all caffeine. That includes coffee, tea, soda (even decaffeinated), and chocolate. Also, in addition, keep a glass of water with you at all times.

I'll keep you updated on what the other weeks contain as I come upon them. I will be starting tomorrow.

This one's about a dream

I had last night

How an old man tracked me home

And stepped inside

Put his foot inside the door

And gave a crooked smile

Something in his eyes

Something in his laugh

Something in his voice

That made my skin crawl off.

He said I've seen you here before

I know you're name.

How you could have your pick

Of pretty things.

You could have it all

Everything at once

Everything you need

Everything you've seen

Everything you've ever had in fantasy

You've one life, you've one life

You've one life left to leave.

I woke up from my dream

As a golden man

With a girl I've never seen

With golden skin

I jumped up to my feet

She asked me what was wrong

I began to scream

I don't think this is me

Is this just a dream or really happening

You've one life, you've one life

You've one life left to lead

I looked outside the glass

At golden shores

With golden ships and masts

And golden cords

As my reflection passed

I hated what I saw

The golden eyes were dead

And a thought passed through my head

A heart that's made of gold can't really beat at all

I wanted to wake up again

Without a touch of gold.