7:31pm

I have done well for once. I'm lingering at about just over 500 calories, and I've almost drank the amount of water I wanted to. I did my homework, I went to work. I did almost 200 crunches, and 50 pushups. It's a good day, lovelies.

I've been trying to give up artificial sweeteners and wheat completely. I'm allergic to both I think, because whenever I have them I get massive migraines. My mom is the same way so it makes sense. Also, I'm lactose intolerant and the only dairy I ever eat is Greek yogurt. If I didn't love eggs so much I'd probably be a vegan. Who knows. Maybe someday I will be. If I could find a healthy substitute for eggs, I'd go completely vegan.

I haven't been exercising as much lately and I hate it. Even though I'm not gaining weight, I'm getting soft. Fuck that. I'm gonna start doing 300 crunches a day, and a weight workout, and some cardio. I need to get back into the swing of things. And I need to lose. Fucking now.

9:43pm

Tomorrow I'm starting full steam ahead with....starving. I won't eat unless I'm made too. I'll drink 3 liters of water a day. I'll go to work and stand all day, I'll finish my homework, I'll be successful in whatever I do.

I do so appreciate any encouragement I get. I don't get comments much, but when I do they're lovely words that definitely go to my heart. I'm looking for a texting buddy. I don't have any friends who are even conscious about their bodies, much less obsessed like I am. It'd be nice to have someone who feels the same way I do there all the time. Any takers?

I bought new sunglasses today. They look very Lady Gaga esque. And I got Hello Kitty and Harajuku Lovers notebooks for school. All those cool college kids will make fun of me. Whatever. They can make fun but I'll still be hotter then them. And skinnier.

Still 108. I'm sick of staying the same weight. I need to lose. I'm going to eat as little as possible tomorrow (which might be a teensy bit difficult since I'll be around people all day) and hopefully be 107 by Monday. I'll do the whole waterbottle in hand I-already-ate/I'm-not-hungry trick. Whatever it takes.

The ex is confusing me so much. One day he'll barely even text me the next he's calling and wants to see me and wants to get back together. It makes me crazy. I'll think I'm doing okay without him and then he sucks me back in again like that. I don't even know what to do about it.

I made a Tumblr that's kind of a companion to this blog. You can see it here at http://melroseavenue.tumblr.com

Abby Lee

“ Sure, we had to be skinny. I lived on Diet Coke and apples for two years. For the couture, we had to get up at 4 am to be sewn into the clothes and there was huge pressure to be thin. But I made a million dollars by the time I was 20, I bought a town house in Manhattan and put myself through Columbia. Does that make me a victim?"

5:58

Gahh. Yeah I've been gone for 3 days. Not a bad 3 days really. I didn't count calories because I was busy starting a new job and my online class. But I definitely starved because I almost passed out numerous times.

I got black leather ankle boots today. Fuckyeah. And two sweaters for when school starts soon. Anddddd I got a mani/pedi today which I TOTALLY freakin deserved cuz today and yesterday I was up at 5 so I could get to the cafe by 6 to open at 6 30. And then had to be on my feet til 12. I don't even drink coffee so I didn't have that help. And all the chai has sugar in it. xP. Oh well.

Tomorrow I'll be killing myself with theology assignments and I don't know if I'll post. We'll see.

I might post in little bitt again tonight.

9:37pm

Ugh. Someone mail me cigarettes. I need them. I have a brother of age, but I can't ask him cuz he's such a dick and will rat me out or something cool like that.

I ate almost 1200 calories today. Just let me die please? I won't eat tomorrow. I won't have to. I have band practice in the morning, and then other band practice in the after noon. And at night...well I'll just go to bed early. I have to work at 6am on Thursday anyway so that'll be my excuse for skipping dinner. And if I have to eat then I'll just have some Greek yogurt, or cottage cheese....yes my plan is good.

The upside of today is that I worked out. My period is a bit better so I was able to. I probably burned at least 200 so that makes me feel a tiny tiny bit better.

A little part of the reason I ate so much is my grandma. I babysat my cousin today (who lives with my grandparents, along with my aunt and uncle) and my grandma and grandpa came home early from the city so they were there most of the day. My grandma has this crazy (ha) idea that I don't eat and need to gain weight. So she went out of her way to make me.

She made me eat this REPULSIVE microwave lentil soup. It was close to 200 cals. YEAH. And don't get me wrong. Lentils are wonderful and healthy. When made from SCRATCH. Not dried up in a plastic packet. Jeez.

And then I helped my cousin make cookies and she fucking made me eat a ton. WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME?!

Whatever. I'll fast tomorrow. And probably Thursday too. Friday I'll be working from opening til 11, and then I'll be with my grandma again xP getting mani pedis. And going to lunch. Ugh. Fuck.

Help me? Text or AIM buddies anywhere? aim is papermelrose

This totally just made my day.