I AM NOT GONE!

Promise. I've just been busy as hell lately. I haven't had time for even facebook. I only go on with my phone, and my phone hates blogger so I haven't been around. But I promise I will be posting at least once a week now.

I miss you all! I'm going to be catching up on all of your blogs. I can't believe I've been gone for so long.

Shit has gone down. First, I'm fat. I'm up to one fucking thirteen. 113. I'm so upset. That's most of the reason I haven't posted. I'm ashamed of myself. I'm back on track though. I fasted for the first time! Only liquids for a whole day. It was lovely <3.

I want to be 95 by my birthday. January 8th. I'll be 18, and 18 pounds thinner. I'm gonna need tons of encouragement on this. I'm already feeling down in the dumps because of how huge I've gotten. I will lose this. I will.

Oh. Theres a guy in my life. Not any of the ones I've talked in the last few posts. He's smart. Nice. Funny. Talented. Going places. Rich.

Yep, I sure know how to pick em.

That is all.

And so we go.

OMGGGGG

So this guy. He's not the one I've been talking about. He's actually more important.

Background: He's been my brother's best friend since he started high school (when I was 12). He's flirted with me since then. Yeah a little perv most of the time and annoying. Either way. We've had a love hate relationship since the beginning.

Long story short, he went away into the navy. He's rarely around. But a few weeks ago he visited, and I texted him saying "come over some time before you leave and I'll make you caesar salad ;)" because when we were all in high school I used to make salad and he'd eat right out of the big bowl because he liked it so much.

So from a little hearsay here and there I heard that he took that small message and favor a little more seriously than I'd meant it, but nothing came out of it so life moved on.

My brother today told me that he got a message from this guy yesterday that went something to the effect of:

"I'm gonna be visiting around thanksgiving for about five days. I want to take your sister out on a date to thank her for the dinner she made me last time I was there, if I have your permission."

!!!

He ASKED my brother if he could take me out on a date!

For the record, a guy has NEVER asked me on an official date. I went out with a guy for a year and we only went out to dinner once and it was for my birthday and not quite even a date. So this is pretty exciting for me. And just that he asked my brother for permission.

!!

Ok. Squeal over. GREAT! Well at least I have 2 months to get skinny! I'd love to be between 95 and 90 then. That'd be killer. <3>

11:06am

I'm glad you all love my legs more than I do. It's encouraging.

So I was back up to 108 for like a week....and now I'm back to 106... I want to be 95 by Halloween. Silly goal day, it has nothing to do with Halloween I just wanna be skinny. Please? I'm fasting today...even though I'll probably fail because I fail at life in general. But I hope I can. I need to. My body needs to be cleansed of all the garbage in it. I might do a saltwater flush tonight, if my parents go out and if I succeed in not eating all day.

Tomorrow I have to go to my grandma's for a birthday party. Food galore. I'm scared :( Someone please be my texting buddy? For that day...I just need someone...HELPPPP

my legs.

These are my legs. I'm sitting down so they look fat(ter). This is the only recent picture I have of myself. More to come.

1:09am

WOW. You guys are awesome <3>

10:56pm

I know. I haven't been posting AT ALL lately. I've been so freakin busy, and honestly I love tumblr so much more than blogger. It's way easier to use and I have more friends on their. No one comments on my blogger lol. If anyone wants to check out my tumblr its http://www.melroseavenue.tumblr.com and just shoot me a message in my ask that you know me from blogger and I'll be your bff <3

Butttt. Anyway. Still been seeing that guy...a lot actually. I'm definitely not going for any kind of romance here. Honestly, I enjoy being single and I wanna stay that way. But I definitely like this guy. HA. Like a lot. But we'll stay friends because that's all I want right now. Plus the whole him being my brother's best friend puts a damper on things..

I have bitten off way more than I can chew. I'm taking 5 college classes, auditing another, I'm in a play (that counts as three credits) and I'm working 25+ hrs a week. That's 21 credits btw. I'm drowning.

I started hanging out with one of my old friends again. We'll call her KT. She wants to lose weight...we're going to do it together. I hope she doesn't catch on to how fucked up I am.

Speaking of weight. Yesterday morning I weighed 106 and I was really pissed off because I thought I'd gained a pound. But then later in the day I got my period and I suddenly felt ok about it. I usually gain 2 to 3 pounds when I'm on my period. Which means afterwards I'll probably be down to at least 104 :) That makes me very very happy.

I'm thinking of taking some body shots and posting them on here. What do you guys think? Let me know and if you want I will :)

Stay strong my lovelies and I'm always here for you all

2:11pm

I did a salt water flush on tuesday, and another on wednesday. Haven't weighed myself since but I will tomorrow morning and see if I've lost. I've started counting again like a ninja. Every single thing that enters my mouth ( I wasn't too happy.) But I also bought some loose leaf tea from work so I can make it for myself at home. That'll definitely help. I got chamomile and green :) Gonna get mango black in a few days(when I have money again).

I've been seeing that guy steadily since I last posted about him (brother still doesn't know). He caught a little wind about it and said reportedly to one of his other friends "If he fucking lays a finger on her or touches her I will kill him." Eesh. Angry. Butttt he never said anything to me so oh wellll, my bad xP