OMGGGGG

So this guy. He's not the one I've been talking about. He's actually more important.

Background: He's been my brother's best friend since he started high school (when I was 12). He's flirted with me since then. Yeah a little perv most of the time and annoying. Either way. We've had a love hate relationship since the beginning.

Long story short, he went away into the navy. He's rarely around. But a few weeks ago he visited, and I texted him saying "come over some time before you leave and I'll make you caesar salad ;)" because when we were all in high school I used to make salad and he'd eat right out of the big bowl because he liked it so much.

So from a little hearsay here and there I heard that he took that small message and favor a little more seriously than I'd meant it, but nothing came out of it so life moved on.

My brother today told me that he got a message from this guy yesterday that went something to the effect of:

"I'm gonna be visiting around thanksgiving for about five days. I want to take your sister out on a date to thank her for the dinner she made me last time I was there, if I have your permission."

!!!

He ASKED my brother if he could take me out on a date!

For the record, a guy has NEVER asked me on an official date. I went out with a guy for a year and we only went out to dinner once and it was for my birthday and not quite even a date. So this is pretty exciting for me. And just that he asked my brother for permission.

!!

Ok. Squeal over. GREAT! Well at least I have 2 months to get skinny! I'd love to be between 95 and 90 then. That'd be killer. <3>

11:06am

I'm glad you all love my legs more than I do. It's encouraging.

So I was back up to 108 for like a week....and now I'm back to 106... I want to be 95 by Halloween. Silly goal day, it has nothing to do with Halloween I just wanna be skinny. Please? I'm fasting today...even though I'll probably fail because I fail at life in general. But I hope I can. I need to. My body needs to be cleansed of all the garbage in it. I might do a saltwater flush tonight, if my parents go out and if I succeed in not eating all day.

Tomorrow I have to go to my grandma's for a birthday party. Food galore. I'm scared :( Someone please be my texting buddy? For that day...I just need someone...HELPPPP

my legs.

These are my legs. I'm sitting down so they look fat(ter). This is the only recent picture I have of myself. More to come.

1:09am

WOW. You guys are awesome <3>

10:56pm

I know. I haven't been posting AT ALL lately. I've been so freakin busy, and honestly I love tumblr so much more than blogger. It's way easier to use and I have more friends on their. No one comments on my blogger lol. If anyone wants to check out my tumblr its http://www.melroseavenue.tumblr.com and just shoot me a message in my ask that you know me from blogger and I'll be your bff <3

Butttt. Anyway. Still been seeing that guy...a lot actually. I'm definitely not going for any kind of romance here. Honestly, I enjoy being single and I wanna stay that way. But I definitely like this guy. HA. Like a lot. But we'll stay friends because that's all I want right now. Plus the whole him being my brother's best friend puts a damper on things..

I have bitten off way more than I can chew. I'm taking 5 college classes, auditing another, I'm in a play (that counts as three credits) and I'm working 25+ hrs a week. That's 21 credits btw. I'm drowning.

I started hanging out with one of my old friends again. We'll call her KT. She wants to lose weight...we're going to do it together. I hope she doesn't catch on to how fucked up I am.

Speaking of weight. Yesterday morning I weighed 106 and I was really pissed off because I thought I'd gained a pound. But then later in the day I got my period and I suddenly felt ok about it. I usually gain 2 to 3 pounds when I'm on my period. Which means afterwards I'll probably be down to at least 104 :) That makes me very very happy.

I'm thinking of taking some body shots and posting them on here. What do you guys think? Let me know and if you want I will :)

Stay strong my lovelies and I'm always here for you all

2:11pm

I did a salt water flush on tuesday, and another on wednesday. Haven't weighed myself since but I will tomorrow morning and see if I've lost. I've started counting again like a ninja. Every single thing that enters my mouth ( I wasn't too happy.) But I also bought some loose leaf tea from work so I can make it for myself at home. That'll definitely help. I got chamomile and green :) Gonna get mango black in a few days(when I have money again).

I've been seeing that guy steadily since I last posted about him (brother still doesn't know). He caught a little wind about it and said reportedly to one of his other friends "If he fucking lays a finger on her or touches her I will kill him." Eesh. Angry. Butttt he never said anything to me so oh wellll, my bad xP

11:17pm

I know I haven't been posting/commenting much. I guess it's because I haven't been very motivated, and a little ashamed of myself. Maybe I feel that way because I haven't been on here though. Who knows.

I've been eating approximately 1000 calories a day and I hate it. I feel huge. I feel nasty. I feel very aware of every inch of me and I hate all of it. Tomorrow I'm getting up at 6 30 and going to gym with the bestfriend before I go into work. And work will be easy because I'll only be able to drink tea until 4 30. Thank god. Wednesday I have school so hopefully I won't have much time for eating (although I made fucking time today. I hate myself.)

I hanged out with that guy again today. We both got out of classes at 3 and we got in my car and just drove...got kinda lost, then found our way back. My mom called me while we were out and I totally gave her BS about being in the library. I feel bad lying. I never used to do that, now I do all the time. I don't know how to get by not lying. If people knew the truth I'd be ruined.

But yeah. That guy...the one who is best friends with my brother...someone thought we were dating today. I was telling her about my college plans and he was there and she asked if he was gonna transfer near me. I got confused, then I realized what she meant. Neither of us cared enough to correct her. We aren't gonna tell my brother we've been hanging out. We're probably just setting ourselves up to be screwed. It's not like anything's happened, though.

8:32pm

I ate more than 1000 calories today. I haven't done that in weeks. I'm punishing myself. No eating tomorrow or Monday til after classes. I hate myself.

10:37pm

Just saying, I love you all. Your encouragement is amazing <3

Update on the guy front...we hanged out again today. I went by my work to chill cuz I was bored out of my mind (I hate days off: I never know what to do with myself) and I was texting him about how lame it was that I went to work when I was bored. So he said he'd come hang out with me :) I didn't even tell him too.

Bahaha.

105

That is the number of pounds I currently weigh as of this morning. Not 105 point anything. Just a flat 105. I feel good :) Five more pounds and I'll be 100. Five more and I'll be at 95 <3

It also helps that I'm either working or going to school or doing homework the majority of the week. It leaves no time for eating. And at work I pretty much just drink tea. Black tea, thank god. I'm not a coffee person, and these 5am mornings would be impossible without tea. It doesn't help that I can't fall asleep til at least midnight and I'm so stressed all the time that I'm constantly waking up. But today I got to sleep in for the first time in a while. It was amazing. I got like 10 hrs of sleep. That's the most I've gotten in like a month.

Today is my day off. No work, no school, only a bit of homework that I could put off or just not do if I don't feel like it. I want to see M today but I have band practice from 2 30 to 4 30 and after that I don't know if he'd want to or if he's working...we'll see. He wants to hang out and play Halo lol. He was shocked when I told him I'd played just about every major video game: Halo, WoW, Medal of Honor, Final Fantasy, Madden...I grew up with 3 brothers. What can I say.

Someone please IM me: mygreenepiphany

6:10

So...that guy I'm into. He came to see me at work today :) and I took my break and we had coffeeeeeee. It was really nice. I enjoyed it.

Some people are telling me that I'm stupid for even thinking about a guy right now, just having broke up with a guy, and that he's not a good guy, or he's not as into me I think. But you know what? They aren't me and I know me. Like it makes me happy to see him and talk to him and when he comes to see me, but when he doesn't, I don't feel like I'm missing something. I have control of this.

Ate like 600 calories or something today. Idk. I had a bagel for lunch. And a bagel for dinner. That was all. But yeah. It wasn't that much. Small bagels with nothing on them. I might do that tomorrow too, but just one bagel.

Got to see some old friends today. It was verrrrrry nice. I hope all you lovelies are doing mucho bien.

10:52am

God, so much has happened.

For starters. I officially told the ex that I had no intentions of getting back together with him. *Brace for fireworks.* He yelled and yelled and said horrible things and I told my dad about it and he said that if he didn't stop he was gonna talk to him. I got a little scared. He wants a bunch of his stuff back and I'm afraid if he sees me he's gonna hit me or something. Idk what to do. Maybe I'll just have dad there when he comes back around. I'm scared.

In other words, work is going ok. I get along with all the girls who work there very well, but the one loser fat guy is such an ass. I've never actually worked with him but I've been in there while he's working and he's such a prick. He tried to blame me for the coffee not tasting right when he was talking to a customer. Not even kidding. I dread working with him.

Enough with the depressing news though. I've got some good news. Since I've been single (almost three weeks now) I've had 2 guys ask me out, one admit he had the hots for me, and another who is coming to see me at work tomorrow and I hung out with last night.

The first two guys who asked me out I've written off. They're not my type, and I'm just gonna stay friends with them. The one who admitted he liked me I've known for like a year now. He's away at college though x[ I didn't hang out with him while he was around cuz I had a boyfriend. And go figure now that I don't he's away.

But. The last one is the one I'm gonna focus on here. The most hilarious part is that he's one of my older brother's best friends. AHAHAHA. I stopped at my brother's work yesterday and told him that the other night his friend had been flirtexting me, and was planning to come see me at work and buy me something as a late graduation present. My brother thought it was hilarious lol. I'm glad he didn't get mad but I wouldn't care if he did. But anyway. Last night, he was over (can we call him M?) and my brother and my best friend both told me he was checking me out the whole time every time I wasn't looking (especially my ass, in the new jeans I just bought, size ZERO). You know what one of the best parts is? HE'S FUCKING BEAUTIFUL. Ok. He's not MAJORLY tall but he's tall enough (me being barely over five feet definitely helps out the guys who are into me). He had toned arms/shoulders/chest/back, and like just a killer body. His face is clear and olive toned, and he has a nice smile and eyes. Ahhhh. Eye candy.

So things are evening out a bit I guess. There's lots of bad, but a little good to keep me from going insane. I'm a little sick tho ;( and I can barely breathe. I had to use a nebulizer and now I have the shakes like you wouldn't believe, but my appetite is gone. Yay me.

Weighing in tomorrow I think. I haven't had a chance to because I've been so busy. But soon, hopefully I lost.

*EDIT*

down to 106 xD

8:26pm

62o calories today. I hate me.

I only worked 5 hrs but I'm so fucking tired. Idk why. Probably because I didn't eat 'enough' scientifically. I think I ate too much.

Good thing is, at work there's unlimited amounts of jasmine. Thank god. I wouldn't live without it.

I don't have much to say. Sorry guys.

12:29pm

I can't even describe the feeling of knowing I weight exactly as much as my former "skinny best friend." The name is self explanatory. But now we're not the fat girl and the skinny girl. We're the two skinny girls. And soon, I will be the skinnier one.

I worked out like a fuckin MANIAC today. I did 235 cals on the elliptical (thats what the counter said anyways), 100 crunches/ab exercises, 60 thigh, 30 butt, 30 chest, and 30 back. I feel amazing. I've eaten about 300 calories today but idc cuz I killed myself at the gym.

I will be 106 by sometime next week. Ahh.

4:14pm

Ahh I know that last post was short but I had no timeee and I HAD to tell you all that. I feel so good, being down another pound. It's so freakin motivating. I also lost half an inch off my hips, again not a lot but it's something.

I dyed my hair brown two days ago. Well not totally brown, but I did a ton of low lights (chocolate brown). I did that last fall too but not as heavy as this time. I still have lots of blonde left, so it's like being blonde and brunette at the same time. I love it :) Also I'm freakin tannnnnn

Talked to the ex last night and we officially decided that we're not getting back together. He says like maybe we still can sometime in the future, but I don't know if even then. I guess I wouldn't know until the time came, but at this point I have no plans to be anything other than single. That is always how I've been, until him. But now I'm back to be. I don't need anyone else. And I don't really want anyone else. I guess I'm selfish but I want to live for me now.

I got a car :) it's my brother's old one, and it's a piece of shit but I don't care cus it drives. And it's red x]

107 pounds.

That's all.

8:11pm

I'm about 780 calories today, but I did 200 crunches, and 100 lunges. Not exactly the best work out ever but it's something. Tomorrow I have off work and school so I'll have time to exercise. Probably some running, and then crunches/lunges/squats/pushups/etc.

It's getting easier and easier to restrict. I barely think about it anymore. I don't eat, and when I do, it's not that much. I live on tea and water mostly, and a few vegan 'cookies' that I get from my work. They're amazing.

Speaking of work, I learned how to make a bangin SOY capuccino. Yeah. I did that.

I TOTALLY want the new iPod nano. It's FREAKIN AMAZING. I'm buying it. Donations? Lol.