11:17pm

I know I haven't been posting/commenting much. I guess it's because I haven't been very motivated, and a little ashamed of myself. Maybe I feel that way because I haven't been on here though. Who knows.

I've been eating approximately 1000 calories a day and I hate it. I feel huge. I feel nasty. I feel very aware of every inch of me and I hate all of it. Tomorrow I'm getting up at 6 30 and going to gym with the bestfriend before I go into work. And work will be easy because I'll only be able to drink tea until 4 30. Thank god. Wednesday I have school so hopefully I won't have much time for eating (although I made fucking time today. I hate myself.)

I hanged out with that guy again today. We both got out of classes at 3 and we got in my car and just drove...got kinda lost, then found our way back. My mom called me while we were out and I totally gave her BS about being in the library. I feel bad lying. I never used to do that, now I do all the time. I don't know how to get by not lying. If people knew the truth I'd be ruined.

But yeah. That guy...the one who is best friends with my brother...someone thought we were dating today. I was telling her about my college plans and he was there and she asked if he was gonna transfer near me. I got confused, then I realized what she meant. Neither of us cared enough to correct her. We aren't gonna tell my brother we've been hanging out. We're probably just setting ourselves up to be screwed. It's not like anything's happened, though.